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Mamma Mia! Sing-Along Edition

No one tells you that some of the best days of your life end up being just "another" day...and yet this is what life is. A collection of one-day-after-another. And then you have a day where it all just comes together so happily. Saturday, September 6 was one of those days for me. The day began with our attending MK's first volleyball match. It was great fun & they won 3 out of 4 matches. I was so proud of her & her fantastic serve. Where this kid gets her athletic ability is beyond me. Later, Andy & MK decided it was the perfect day for fishing. So they headed out & which gave me study time. I'm also still working on Renee's photos so I got some more accomplished there. Our plan for the evening was to see Mamma Mia! The sing-along edition with friends. Before the movie, MK's friend Savannah came over & they played volleyball for a bit outside. While they were playing, they let our dog out & then MK forgot about him...so Jack, being a Beagle, followed his nose right down the street and for about 15 stressful minutes was lost to us. By the time we left for the movie I felt pretty stressed. But as soon as we got in the Davis's big Suburban, loaded up with 9 &10 year old girls...and started the Mamma Mia! soundtrack...I knew the night was going to be special. And it was! The first big number of the show is "Honey Honey." From that point on we were all laughing, signing, dancing... The girls had SO much fun & I do believe it was a night we'll always remember. I think Julie Walters is officially now my FAVORITE actress. She MAKES this movie & is just hysterical. But actually - Meryl Streep & Christine Baranski are wonderful too.

And nothing beats Dancing Queen. Nothing. We were instantly out of our seats from the words "You can dance..." It was so much fun! I wish they would have done this w/ Hairspray. Now - I just can't wait for the movie edition of Wicked. Can NOT wait.

Updates from Sarah

Life is pretty good. Crazy-hectic-busy...but good. I've gotten some great emails from family & friends...and at their urging I am trying to blog more...just to keep those we love in the loop on our life. Let's see...what is going on in the Ackerman-Hale household these days? Well...our schedule is going haywire but I wouldn't trade it for the world. Andy stays super busy at work...I look at it like JOB SECURITY - so that is a good thing! I'm busy at work also. I have to study most nights. I'm taking philosophy, comparitive government, comp 2 and intro to administration of justice. Philosophy is the most challenging, by far - and NOT in a good way! Mary Kate has begun 4th grade. She loves her teacher but didn't get any of her best friends in class, so she was bummed about that. We are currently planning her 10th birthday celebration. It's going to be a volleyball party & our friend Renee (who was the high school volleyball captain) is going to come and teach the girls some drills & games. We invited 16 kids - her biggest party yet. Ack! And we're doing this on a shoestring budget. We'll see how frugal I can be... Today MK actually started volleyball in a Paola league. She LOVED it. Last night we went to Dick's and got her "real" volleyball shorts, some volleyball socks and new Nikes. She thought she was pretty cool today. In addition to volleyball, she is also playing softball this fall & still is taking pitching lessons. Our team is supposed to scrimmage against a 12-U team tomorrow - scary! AND - Andy & I are playing co-ed softball this fall. I've NEVER been on a sports team. I'm pretty freaked out about it - because I really do suck! On Friday nights I am doing a Broadway workshop for our Civic Center/Rec program. We're trying to get a community theater started. I stepped down from Girl Scouts but I am still going to help girls work on getting their Bronze awards...I'll be serving sort of as our troop's Bronze Award facilitator. It's a big task for the girls. They have to perform a 20-hour community service project PLUS do a bunch of badge work related to their project AND earn a Sign award. There is a lot to it. On top of all that...the effort to sell our house continues. We are saving $$$ for this process and having to keep our house in tip-top order. Plus, we've found the house we REALLY want and now I am afraid NO other house plan will do. I don't like the location of this house so much - it is in a neighborhood on the far South end of town and NONE of MK's best friends live in this neighborhood. But, the house has everything going for it that I want. A nice big front room (with an entry/hallway), hardwood floors in the kitchen & dining room, deck off the dining room, BIG master bedroom & bath, a FINISHED walk out basement w/ 2 extra bedrooms downstairs and a full bath plus a big workshop space for Andy. The backyard is treed and has lots of potential for a lovely shade garden. The deck is BIG. The driveway is fairly flat for good basketball playing...Yeah..it has it all. About 2500 finished square feet. So everything else we've looked at just PALES in comparision. I hope that it works out...I hope, hope, hope. So we are a busy family but like I said...I wouldn't have it any other way. I used to be so lazy...I didn't do ANYTHING on the weekends but sack out on the couch. That life seems so alien to me now. It's just GO GO GO.

Pots on the Fire

There just are never enough hours in the day, are there? I remember a time when my idea of a good time was staying in bed for 1/2 the day, drinking coffee, watching videos curled up under the covers, reading a good book and taking cat naps. That time seems so far away. Now...a good time for me is checking things off of my many to-do lists and feeling a sense of accomplishment. I want to do so many things right now and it's frustrating to not simply be able to do them ALL.

One thing I still want to do is take photos for people. I did a photo shoot for my friend Renee this past June. She's getting married this fall and I took this shot of her & her fiance...it is one of my absolute favorites. It's so romantic!

I'd love to take some senior pictures this fall & help fund my furniture account so I can get the furniture of my dreams for our new house we will hopefully have sometime in the (somewhat) near future! Sure...we have to sell our house first. But we did find a fabulous ranch w/ a walk out basement. I have been dreaming about putting together a killer living room inspired by this painting by Richard Diebenkorn: I love his stuff! A print of that piece would look great over the fireplace. Then...I want to do the off-white slipcovered furniture thing w/ maybe an additional funky chair. I just like the idea that you can take the slipcovers off, wash them, even trade them out for a different color. The set I want is from JC Penney and costs a fraction of what it's counterparts at Pottery Barn & Restoration Hardware cost. I still think it's got a great shape, though. Then I was reading onBH&G.com that it's important in a living room grouping to "ground" the furniture with a rug or something that pulls it all together (to avoid "floating furniture"). I've never been too interested in area rugs...not much to get excited about to me. UNTIL I saw this tufted rug from Target! I was thinking about doing 2 of this chair with an ottoman instead of a loveseat. I am not big on matchy-match rooms, but for this space, I think having the sofa + 2 chairs + ottoman will look good. It will be critical to find some killer throw pillows to pull out the other colors. I found this one on Etsy...I like the print but I'd try to find something with more green as opposed to the Robin's Egg blue. I love browsing Etsy for art. This piece is by Kat Hanna. LOVE it. This mosaic by Daydreamframes on Etsy has a great texture & I love the imagery.

It's so fun to imagine this room...to dream...

Homework Blues

I am a procrastinator at heart. I have less than 3 hours before a quiz is due & I still need to read the chapter. I like to work under the pressure of deadlines. So what am I doing? Reading the chapter? No. I figured I would blog a little...it's been almost a week w/ no new posts. We've had several lookers at our house. I still am feeling positive...but houses around here are staying on the market for an average of 6 months! That is terrible. And...we found a house we absolutely love. It's a ranch w/ a walkout basement...that has been really nicely finished. It's got 4 bedrooms & a possible 5th bedroom. We'll use it as a study. It's got a workshop for Andy. I've got many ideas for decorating a place where I have some space... I hope it all works out. We've worked so hard to get to this place and I want Mary Kate to be able to enjoy what I never had. A fresh, new home in a safe neighborhood with green lawns & sprinklers. I grew up in my grandma's house in a poor neighborhood in Lawrence, KS. Her house was an old cracker jack box house with blue & gold shag carpeting, heinous wood panneling, and every step creaked as if the support beams were going to give out at any second. When my mom finally had 2 nickels to rub together to get us a house, she bought a duplex on the newer side of the city. But still, the duplex was surrounded by big, pretty houses with porches & decks...things I craved. Andy grew up in a similar situation. He lived in KC, KS in a fairly small house that felt even smaller for a family of 5 plus dogs. We both looked at this house (the ranch) and realized it would be the biggest, nicest house either of us had ever lived in. And we can afford it, which makes it all the more sweet. OK...it will be a long time before I can furnish it with my expensive tastes...but I digress. I guess I should return to that pesky homework. Somebody buy my house, please.

The never-ending-to-do-list-goes-on-and-on

1. Clean Blinds
2. Clean Windows
3. Finish planting Mums in front yard flower bed
4. Do homework
5. Do some more homework
6. Take photos of coworker's new baby
7. Watch the 3 episode's of Project Runway I have TiVo'd and have yet to watch
8. Bathe the dog
9. Email all the friends I need to email...
10. Respond to all the wall posts on Facebook (I am so behind, sorry)...
11. Clean house some more
12. Do more homework
13. Bathe myself
14. Cook a homemade meal (we've been eating microwave a la carte for months!)
15. Watch my TiVo'd Team USA softball games
16. Get photos from 2008 developed & put into some type of (GASP!) photo album...no more scrapbooks!
17. Have long phone chat with my wonderful friends, T & Betty...it's been too long.

(To Do list is not in order of importance - just in order of what my tired brain could pull together at 11:13 p.m. after a long night of studying...)

BTW - Someone please buy my house! We found a house we love here in town. It's a 4 bedroom ranch w/ a finished basement, fenced yard. Everything is way upgraded...rounded corners on the walls, knock out finish on walls and ceiling (I loathe popcorn ceilings!!!), great floor plan, it's got a water softener for goodness sakes! Really, really nicely done...just about perfect for us. I can have an office AND a guest bedroom for my dad when he comes to visit. Poor guy always has to do couch duty. There is plenty of room for Andy to have a workshop down in the basement for his tinkering. There is even a spot where we could put a pool table...my daughter LOVES to play pool. So funny. And it's a nice larger room for a family room in the finished basement & another big bedroom. So please - someone BUY MY HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

Choke

{This is an essay I wrote for my Comp 1 class in June 2008. Our assignment was to write about a literary experience from our youth. This one stuck out in my mind. Actually, this was just a rough draft. I had to draft another piece and that ended up being the final essay I submitted. This could stand to be tweaked a little...This piece is MOSTLY true though some names have been changed...to protect the innocent.} The day my column on Lawrence High School’s student smoking section hit the newsstands, I became the equivalent of a leper. I had written an opinion piece for our school paper “The Budget” on the horrors of our student smoking section. Some seventeen years later it is hard to believe there even was such a thing as a student smoking section on a high school campus but it was very real in 1991 and for some unknown reason, I decided to start some controversy there. The smoking section was an interior patio at Lawrence High just off the lunchroom and gymnasium entrance. In the casually hidden location, there were a number of benches, shrubs, landscaping…and ashtrays. Between classes, students and teachers would dash to the area to suck down a nicotine stick. At lunchtime, the area served as recess for the slackers. Hackey-sack players united on the grassy veranda, sun-worshippers in Birkenstock sandals, Ray-Ban sunglasses and tank tops tanned on the benches. The smoke of Camels and clove cigarettes swirled around the students who lingered there. I had to walk through the smoking section daily to advance from the lunchroom to the journalism classroom. My not-so-straight-laced friends and I would move through the crowd and acknowledge our acquaintances that were brave enough to hang in the smoking area. I think I wanted to be there; I identified myself with the hippy-ish girls that swirled around in their broomstick skirts and peasant blouses, Marlboro Light in hand. However, I wasn’t quite there yet. I had reservations about adults seeing me smoke even though a hundred other kids were doing it right out in the open. My journalism teacher must have had some faith in my ability to come up with an interesting, controversial topic for a column in the school paper. She was clear on the expectation that the piece should be exciting and well argued. At fifteen, I was horribly opinionated about the world at large and my tiny universe at school. So why I chose to tackle the beloved smoking section when I had my pick of ripe topics – everything from the fall of communism to the Desert Storm war was begging for a naïve opinion to woefully rue the atrocities of it all. Instead, I choose the smoking section. In 1991, second-hand smoke was not a thing to be feared. Even the taboo of smoking at a young age didn’t exist in the same way it does today. Our homecoming queen that year frequently hung in the smoking section, looking cool with her tousled, frosted hair, Levi’s with the ripped knees, black Doc Marten boots and leather jacket. It wasn’t just the burn outs that visited the area; jocks, hicks, theater geeks, art snobs, intellectuals, vapid cheerleaders and my friends all spent their lunches and breaks inhaling the spicy-sweet smoke of their favorite brand. Still, there were those who opposed the smoking section, primarily the kids who ran track (because they knew what the smokers were doing to their lungs) and the kids in Youth for Christ. Prissy girls wearing dainty floral-print dresses would walk through the smoking crowd coughing as if they were fleeing a burning building. Since I was on the fringe of all of this, not quite a smoker and not quite a priss, I would watch the interactions and debates on the smoking section with mixed emotions. Ultimately, I wrote my column for their approval, the girls with the pouffy bangs and the Laura Ashley dresses. Their piousness and pre-lunch prayers hit me in the gut of guilt at the very thought of ever smoking even just one cigarette. My column blasted the smoking section as irresponsible, irrational, illegal and morally reprehensible. My most famous argument in the column had to do with the poor birds that visited our school and hopped around the smoking section. What if a wayward pigeon were to eat a discarded cigarette butt and choke? The horrors! Lung cancer was an afterthought. My beef was with these bird-murderers. I had a friend draw me an illustration of a dainty bird choking on a steaming cigarette butt to emphasize my main point. The pencil-drawn bird was flailing in a feathery frenzy while blank-staring students looked on. The newspaper came out and I sat in class pleased with myself that I had written such an important piece of journalism. I believed my strong character and upstanding morals shined through in the column. But then the comments from classmates and teachers alike started. “What the hell?” “Birds choking?” “No freaking way.” “Who is this chick?” “Let’s beat her up.” Even the Youth for Christ girls hated the column. I got incredulous looks from girls with names like Holly and Molly, girls who simply couldn’t believe my reasoning for banning the smoking section was to save a few blackbirds as opposed to the smokers souls. I was a social pariah and left the school year tainted. My friends tried to console me, all the while looking over their shoulder and rolling their eyes at my stupidity to any onlookers. I headed for my liberal church summer camp with a sense of relief that none of the campers there would know about the infamous bird-choking editorial of my junior year. That year at church camp, I discovered smoking. I attended an extremely liberal Episcopalian church camp. My inspirational camp counselor and cabin leader introduced me to the beauty of music by the Indigo Girls, the poetry of Walt Whitman and organic American Spirit cigarettes. We would sit around the campfire ring smoking cigarette after cigarette, singing Bob Dylan songs and talking about global atrocities. In the fall, I returned to school a new person. I owned Birkenstock sandals. I was learning to play guitar and hackey sack. I had friends with names like Willow and Simone. On the first day of class I headed to the smoking section for my lunch break, American Spirits in hand. I got many strange looks but as is the old adage, yesterday’s news is today’s cat box liner. And so my story of choking birds and the heinous smoking section was all but forgotten. In 5 months time I had left the approval of the righteous behind and fallen into favor with a more open-minded sort. It would take me five years to figure out that I had never actually learned how to inhale which explained why I wasn’t addicted to cigarettes. About the same time, Lawrence High School finally said goodbye to the designated smoking section and relocated the smokers to their cars, behind the trash bins and possibly a restroom now and then. Luckily all the smokers I had drastically irritated with my column were long gone by then so no one could point a nicotine-stained finger in my direction.

Back to School

Tomorrow is back to school day for both MK & myself. I have to admit, I'm a little distracted w/ the whole "selling a house/buying a house" process. I've got to come to terms with letting it go & letting Andy take over at this point. My plate is really full this fall! I'm taking Composition II, Introduction to Administration of Justice, Comparitive Government & Introduction to Philosophy. 12 hours! Plus, I'm leading a Broadway workshop at our Civic Center for kids on Friday nights. I'm really excited about it...but with everything else, I am just going to be one busy, busy girl. There isn't really a lot of extra time for worrying about buying or fixing up a house. Poor Andy is kinda flying solo beginning tomorrow. It will be Okay...I just need to get back into my routine I had this summer & not allow distractions (i.e. FACEBOOK!!!). :)

I hate HGTV

I don't think I've ever worked so hard in my life. We spent the weekend packing, moving, cleaning, tweaking, landscaping...and today the house is officially up for sale. There is still plenty to do but I think we'll be OK. I was really happy with how everything turned out. The bedroom below is Mary Kate's room. It is actually the larger of the 2 bedrooms. It turned out so pretty with the chocolate-blue-gold palette.

This is the "master" bedroom, aka Andy's & my room. Very plain. I love my bed though. It's a giant marshmallow - that's what I call it. I've got a big, squishy matress and then a squishy matress pad on top of that. Plus, our down comforter with a Shabby Chic duvet cover...I love. I love. The living room is the one room that I'd like to tweak. The art isn't hung in the right spots, but we didn't want to put any extra holes in the walls.

I like how open the front room looks! I was thrilled to get some of the big furniture pieces out of there that were really weighing down the room. My big "to do" next is to replace the hideous chair on the right. I'd like to get a chocolate -brown twill chair & ottoman I think.

Here is our cute kitchen. I love the laminate flooring. It's so easy to care for and looks like real wood.

I'll be spending the next few evenings working on the front yard flower bed. Can't wait to show pictures of that!

Staging a House

A designer on HGTV can stage a house during the course of a 30-minute show. In real life, staging…and just preparing a house to go up for sale…is not quite so quick or easy. I don’t have access to interior designers, carpenters or contractors. My husband and I are truly the definition of “Do it Yourself,” even if you don’t know what the hell you are doing. Our journey began almost 3 weeks ago when we met with our realtor and decided to sell our little house. Our hope is that we’ll be able to sell this house, just break even (or something close to that), and buy something just a bit larger (a walk-in closet would be nice, perhaps 2 bathrooms!). Like most Americans, we have a ridiculous amount of stuff. And we like our stuff very much. I have numerous large Rubbermaid containers jammed full of scrapbooking supplies, rubber stamps, yarn, knitting needles and how-to-craft books. Andy has accumulated products for a dozen-or-so hobbies and Mary Kate is following rapidly in our footsteps. She collects every trinket and treasure she can find. Luckily, her favorite findings are things like shark teeth, dragon tears and marbles as opposed to bulky model car kits, remote control airplane supplies and massive amounts of decorative papers (like her parents). Our little house just doesn’t quite fit all of our stuff plus 3 people and a beagle comfortably. We did the necessary steps to get going with the selling-buying-moving process: got pre-approved, made our to-do list and then…life got crazy. Andy left for Osh Kosh, Wisconsin – the big aviation show (he stood next to John Travolta!!!). He was gone for 4 long days. During that time, I deep cleaned the bathroom & tended to a few details. I did heaps of laundry – the kind that piles up (blankets and such) because it’s no fun to wash. I packed as much of my stuff as I could, worked diligently on hunting down boxes. I felt good about my accomplishments but there was still so much more to do. Well, last night was our reality check. I rounded up a few more boxes and after work Andy & I both set out to empty our house of pretty much everything but the bare necessities. We took 3 car+truck loads of stuff to our storage unit. We were sweaty, complain-ey, and somewhat panic-stricken at the amount of work left to do still at midnight. A looming tower of CDs, shelves of books, Andy & MK’s game collections…all loomed over us. We were out of boxes & were at our breaking point. We loaded every stray thing into our kitchen. Books are piled 4 feet high on our kitchen table. I filled our coffee-table/chest thingy with about 150 lbs of CDs. Then we shoved every bookshelf, side table, dresser, etc… into the kitchen so our carpets could be cleaned today (they turned out fabulous, btw). Finally, at 2:00 a.m. I crashed. Andy, the more dedicated of us 2, took another load of boxes to the storage unit & shopped for some necessities at Wal-Mart. He didn’t return home until after 3 a.m. We vowed tonight to just rest as on Saturday we have rented a moving truck and will need all of our energy for that experience. And then I think of all that remains to be done after we finally get all the extra stuff into storage: • Clean baseboards & walls • Routine weekly cleaning & laundry • Clean out fridge • Deep clean microwave & oven • Clean blinds • Dry clean drapes • Clean windows • Clean ceiling fans & light fixtures • A few minor “fix it” projects • Fix broken vacuum so we can maintain glorious clean carpet! I just hope someone sees the same beauty & charm in our little place that we did & still do. I hope I can present the space in the same positive light that we saw it when we became enchanted with it & placed our offer 2 years ago. It’s a very stressful process made even more stressful with the current economy and gloom & doom media predictions. Yet, I am ever the optimist. While Andy worries, I day dream. I imagine my future house, outfitted in fabulous shades of khaki, chocolate, cream, ice blue, silvers & golds. Pottery Barn style on a JC Penney budget with my own little quirky tastes thrown in. I want a living room that is MINE to decorate. I want a kitchen that is welcoming, functioning and large enough that making a peach pie doesn’t give me a migraine. I want Andy to have a spot where he can paint miniatures, hoard away his collections and still have room to have the guys over to game. Mary Kate needs her own space and enough room to host a proper sleepover. I’d like a quiet corner to study in but also a guest room that functions for my dad & stepmom when they come visit. I want a home that works for our lifestyle. Hopefully, we’re almost there.

My Mom

Yesterday I had a conversation with a co-worker about the loss of a mother. We share a common bond: the loss of a mother too early. My mom died when I was 21. She was only 41. It was Mother's Day. I can remember the moment she took her last breath like it was yesterday. When I speak of her, I still choke back tears 12 years later. As a mother myself, I finally know what my mom meant when she said things to me like, "I just want you to be happy." And, "You'll always be my baby." I know...schmaltzy sentiments like these are overused, generic and bland. But when whispered into a daughter's ear by a mother, these words transcend language and earthly logic. When my mom said I would always be her baby, she meant that in an eternal way. I was a part of her. And when she died, a piece of me went with her. I feel the same way about my own daughter. I carry her with me everywhere. I want to honor my mom today by pursuing those things that make me happy. I want her memory to be upheld and remembered. She was so kind, loving, jovial, exuberant, sweet, funny, and welcoming. The open arms she extended to all who knew her are her greatest legacy. I can only hope to embrace those I love in the same way as she. The days on this earth are too short. Our time here is less than a blink of eternity. The precious seconds we have to hold on to those we love is the only kind of possession that matters. These are the things she taught me. These are the things I carry with me today.

The House!

In just a week, our house will go on the market! Asking price: $110,000. Realtor: Mark Squire. It wasn't too long ago that we fell in love with this little house. It was the perfect thing for what we needed at the time. It is charming, well maintained and has some great features that make it perfect for a starter family, a single adult, an elderly adult, etc...It's in a great location, wonderful neighbors. My favorite things about this place are the backyard, kitchen & bathroom. The people we purchased the house from did a great job renovating the house.

The bathroom is gorgeous with a spa tub and the ceramic tile walls and floor. So pretty! I love the shade of green in here, too. We've kept it just the same as when we bought it.

The kitchen, while cozy, has a lot going for it. The tile back splash adds somewhat of a designer-grade feel to the room. I also love the laminate flooring.

The backyard is GREAT. We spend a lot of time out there...playing ball, grilling, etc...MK has utilized every inch. It really has the feel of something that has been designed by a landscape artist.

The shed in the back holds a lot for storage and my husband has utilized every inch. We've had to be "smart" with our stuff. But I will say this for living in an energy efficient home: our energy bills are CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP! And I feel like we live very "green" because of it.

Speaking of green - the landscaping is so pretty. This picture was taken when we were looking at the property inititally. These plants are all still thriving - but bigger! The redbud tree is gorgeous in spring.

Universal Healthcare

Where has this conversation gone? In the 2 years since Michael Moore's incredible movie Sicko came out, I have heard our presidential candidates make brief, fleeting remarks about healthcare reform in the United States. I don't have faith that either Obama or McCain will bring about any real changes to our greed-infested healthcare system. I don't think our Congress has the backbone to stand up to the insurance company lobbyists and pharmaceuticals industry either. We're going nowhere fast with this conversation.

It's really disappointing. I have struggled with being uninsured off and on throughout my adult life. 3 years ago, I broke my elbow. I was working in the scrapbooking industry at the time, freelance. I didn't have insurance. My bill was over a thousand dollars for a set of X-Rays and to have my arm bandaged & braced with a piece of plastic (no cast). Now that I have full coverage insurance working for the City, I look over my doctor's invoices and am amazed at the reduced rates insurance companies are able to negotiate. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me that when I was making significantly less money and working at a much more unstable job, I was expected to pay higher rates simply because I didn't have insurance. Hospitals, doctors, specialists...should charge a flat fee to everyone IF they have to charge at all (I think we need to go to universal coversage/socialized medicine but that is likely a long way off). Why are the nation's uninsured expected to pay a higher rate than those w/ insurance? It makes no sense to me.

Universal healthcare is the only compassionate option for our lawmakers. Corporate greed needs to be removed from the equasion. How can we put a price tag on someone's health? I would MUCH rather give the $100 / month I pay for insurance to the government to support universal healthcare. I don't want anyone to have to ponder the value of their personal health or the health of their child.

Wicked Good

Literature, theater, movies and music…these are the things I am passionate about। When an artistic creation can give voice to my joy, heartache and sorrow I feel validated and part of the universe. I guess religion is another form of that validation for some people; at the moment I am not connected in that way. But there are bits of culture that have come to me and brought me great happiness and solace throughout the past 20 years of my life. About 3 years ago, I went through an incredibly painful experience। I had been working in the scrapbooking industry. I found myself in a business deal with my best friend at the time that was not paying the bills. Needless to say, I was getting cold feet and worried daily about how I would put food on my table. My friend seemed more distant every day and didn’t have the same financial worries as me. She stayed with the company and I left. In the process, I grew to feel very betrayed by her. Abandoned. Alone. I don’t think what she did was intentional। I think she was having her strings pulled and was also enjoying her rocket-ship to scrapbook celebrity stardom. Who could blame her for that? In the meantime, I increasingly felt alienated by the scrapbooking industry at large. Somehow I no longer fit into the cookie cutter image of what a scrapbook designer was supposed to be. Nor did I want to. Eventually, I gave up scrapbooking altogether. I don’t look back much. About the same time these struggles began, I was introduced to the soundtrack of the Broadway musical, Wicked. I didn’t know what the plot was but somehow I felt completely akin to the main character, Elphaba, aka The Wicked Witch of the West. She was green, a freak, and completely misunderstood. She formed an unlikely friendship with an airy, blonde, somewhat dippy, absolutely lovable princess (Glinda the Good). This pretty much summed up the personalities and dynamics of the friendship I had (and had lost).

There is a song in Wicked that makes me cry just about every time I hear it. I think of this girl that meant so very much to me for several years। We spoke on the phone every day। I loved her kids, though I had only met half of them। I cared about what was happening in her life as she did for me. We were there for each other through some difficult patches. Both of us had lost our moms too early. We could finish each other’s sentances. She was a part of my every day. And then it went away.

If I ever spoke to this person once more in my life, I don’t think I could find any better way to say what I want to say other than to quote this song. “It well may be/That we will never meet again/In this lifetime/So let me say before we part/So much of me/Is made of what I learned from you/You'll be with me/Like a handprint on my heart/And now whatever way our stories end/I know you have re-written mine/By being my friend... (Stephen Schwartz).”

And that is the beauty of the Arts। When something gives a voice to your pain. When your feelings are articulated through the hands/voice/instrument/mind of another. When you connect. Wicked did that for me.

I took my daughter to see the show Wicked the last time I was in Chicago for CHA (the hobby industry trade show) 2 summers ago। It was my last industry trade show, probably ever. I couldn’t help feel as the curtain closed at the end of the show, I was able to close that chapter of my life (in the scrapbooking industry). I accomplished everything I wanted to do: I was published in my all-time favorite Magazine (and my mom’s): Mary Engelbreit’s Home Companion. I taught at CKUs, CKCs, GASC, Scrapbook Expos, etc…I got to travel to NYC, California, Texas, Washington D.C., Chicago, Utah…I made friends all over the world. I had put my heart and soul into certain collections and a piece of me lives in thousands of people’s scrapbooks. That is an honor.

I haven’t forgotten those experiences। If anything I have grown from them. And I haven’t forgotten my former friend nor will I ever. I may never see her or talk to her again, but because I knew her I have been changed for good.

“For Good” Lyrics & Music by Stephen Schwartz I've heard it said That people come into our lives for a reason Bringing something we must learn And we are led To those who help us most to grow If we let them And we help them in return Well, I don't know if I believe that's true But I know I'm who I am today Because I knew you... Like a comet pulled from orbit As it passes a sun Like a stream that meets a boulder Halfway through the wood Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you I have been changed for good It well may be That we will never meet again In this lifetime So let me say before we part So much of me Is made of what I learned from you You'll be with me Like a handprint on my heart And now whatever way our stories end I know you have re-written mine By being my friend... Like a ship blown from its mooring By a wind off the sea Like a seed dropped by a skybird In a distant wood I have been changed for good And just to clear the air I ask forgiveness For the things I've done you blame me for But then, I guess we know There's blame to share And none of it seems to matter anymore Like a comet pulled from orbit As it passes a sun Like a stream that meets a boulder Halfway through the wood Like a ship blown from its mooring By a wind off the sea Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood Who can say if I've been Changed for the better? I do believe I have been Changed for the better And because I knew you... Because I knew you... Because I knew you... I have been changed for good...